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One of the most common ways that people look to save money on their big day is by utilizing “friendors”, friends or family as vendors. As with any vendor relationship, there are a lot of considerations to take into account when going with a friendor.
To begin, let’s take a look at some of the pros and cons when working with a friendor.
Pros
Because you are already friends, your friendor may have a good sense of your style and what you are looking for. If you were a bride like me who may have had a Pinterest Board going before you were even engaged (only slightly embarrassing to admit :P), then you likely already shared some of these thoughts and ideas with your friends.
If you are having family and/or a friend helping with your wedding, they are likely going to be less expensive that your traditional vendor. If you are on a budget or have certain items on your list where you want to save money you can apply to other places, getting the friends and family discount can help you accomplish your goals within budget.
Cons
Friendors may not have the same level of experience as a traditional vendor, which may produce a few more bumps along the way. When you are asking a family member or friend to help with your wedding, I would suggest making sure they have some experience. While that experience does not need to be extensive, weddings are a unique event and knowing some of the inner workings of this type of event can pay dividends.
Because of the proximity of the friendor in your everyday life, the emotional energy needed to navigate this together can be taxing. When you are working with a traditional vendor whom you do not know, there is often less worry about hurting their feelings or bringing up a difference opinion. This degree of disconnection provides a buffer and limits the stress associated with any potential conflict.
If the friendor is also invited to your wedding, they may not get to enjoy the wedding as a guest...or worse, they may enjoy it a little too much and lose track of their obligations.
Looking at the list of potential Cons when going with a friendor, here are a few tips and suggestions you can implement to limit any potential snafus.
Put together a contract…by putting together a contract that you both agree to, you create a set of shared expectations. Often times, unmet expectations are the greatest source of strife in using a friendor. Therefore, ensuring that you both agree to and understand the vision as well as what will (and will not) be done minimizes misunderstandings and promotes healthy boundaries too.
If you are trying to find a place to start when it comes to putting a friendor contract in place, look no further than Google Docs. The below is a Google Docs Statement of Work template. You can use this as a way to frame your mindset and also outline the key deliverables that you are expecting from your friendor. Although it may seem a little cold or harsh to do something like this with a friend or family member, it is much easier to have a slightly awkward conversation about expectations beforehand rather than regret your decision or damage your relationship due to unmet or unspoken desires.
Sample Statement of work.pdfUse your friendors for the smaller ticket items…If you can, try to utilize friendors for the following wedding tasks:
Hair and Makeup
In the age of You Tube and Instagram, I have found that many of my girlfriends are great at hair and makeup. Although a complicated up-do may not be in the cards, there are plenty of looks that can be accomplished without a professional stylist. My biggest recommendation here is that if you are using a friend to do your hair and makeup, have them come over and practice. I would suggest practicing at least two times to ensure you can recreate the look you are going for.
DIY signs and décor
If you have a friend that owns a Cricut or maybe just has really beautiful hand-writing, ask them if they wouldn’t mind creating some DIY signs and décor or if that is more your jam, you can do that too! At our wedding, I DIY’d all of our décor besides the florals. I kept it simple using mirrors, wine bottles, labels that I could print easily from my home printer, and a few blown up engagement pictures. The options are endless and it doesn’t have to be excessive to be beautiful and functional.
Officiant
This is probably one of the best duties to ask a friendor to do. Whether it is your pastor, a family member, or a close friend, having someone who knows you and your partner well is actually an advantage. Not only can they add more personal anecdotes and sentimental stories, but you may feel more comfortable having someone who is not a complete stranger by your side as you enter into this covenantal journey with your partner.
Dessert
Dessert is a great item to have friendor’d because it can be done ahead of time. Additionally, dessert does not have to just be the traditional cake. Maybe you have an aunt who makes delicious pies or a friend who makes the most delectable cookies. There are so many options when it comes to a wedding dessert, so having a friendor make something that is special to you and your partner might be the icing on the cake (pun intended :P ).
Avoid using friendors for the big ticket items…In juxtaposition to the above, avoiding the use of friendors for some of the large ticket items can be a very good decision for your sanity and your relationship. Here are some of the jobs you may want to get a traditional vendor for:
Photographer/Videographer
If you want to be able to reminisce on your big day, hang up wedding photos, and send out one of your most exciting Holiday cards, having good photos and maybe a video is key. Therefore, having a professional photographer and potentially videographer is a great investment and one area that I would recommend using a good chunk of your budget. While it may also be tempting to select a vendor that does family photos or maternity shoots, I would advise you to find someone who specifically does weddings. Knowing the right photos to take, what angles will look good (even when it feels really awkward), and how to capture every special moment without looking like paparazzi is a specialized skill that not every photographer/videographer may know how to do.
Coordinator
Your wedding coordinator should and will be busy your entire wedding day. Therefore, selecting a friend to perform this duty may not be your best bet. Additionally, being a wedding coordinator is a bit more of a long-term role. It is very challenging to show up on the day of a wedding a know exactly what to do. This person often spends at least the month before the wedding working with the couple to map out their vision, coordinate their vendors, and develop a timeline. Also, someone who has no prior experience in this area will likely lead to some timeline snafus.
Florist
Florals are a tough one for me and honestly I could go either way, so let me map out a scenario in which hiring a professional florist might be the best option and when a friendor may not be a bad choice either.
Hire a professional florist if…
Your wedding is over 100 people (basically anything more than 10 centerpieces as this is a pretty heavy lift to ask of a friendor)
You have more than four bridesmaids. Bouquets are time-consuming to put together and also have to be done at the last moment to ensure that they are not completely wilted by the time the ceremony arrives.
Your venue is very plain and will require some “pizazz” to make it pop (This is especially true of the alter area, which will be the focal point of many of your photos during the ceremony.)
You are having a destination wedding (I would consider this going any further than a couple hours from your home.)
You don’t know anyone who has done floral arrangements before (While YouTube is a good teacher, you want to ensure that you know someone’s capacity before you put all of your eggs in their basket.)
Hire a friendor florist if…
You have fewer than 100 guests and 4 or fewer bridesmaids.
Your venue is lush and filled with eye-catching flora, artwork, etc.
You know someone who does this fairly frequently (When this is the case, this individual will likely know what florals last longest, where you can get the most bang for your buck, and how to put together flowers that complement each other well.)
Your wedding will be close to home and the friendor lives close by too.
DJ (or Band)
This is one vendor that I believe gets often overlooked and taken for granted, but one where I would suggest getting a professional. DJs not only have to be personable and know how to excite a crowd, but they must understand how to control the flow of the wedding. A DJ helps ensure that there a seamless transitions throughout the reception instead of it being a choppy mess. Also, DJs usually bring their own equipment, which can be expensive on its own as well as cumbersome to manage if you are doing it on your own.
Catering
Catering is often best done by a professional for a number of reasons. The first is that if you are going to serve food at a professional venue (i.e. not your uncle’s backyard), they usually require whoever is serving the food to have a food handler’s license as well as a liquor license if you are planning to serve alcohol (These both depend on the state in which you are getting married). For these logistics alone, I think hiring a caterer is a great option. Beyond this, caterers will often offer linens and tableware as a part of the package, which makes things easy as you don’t have to do your own setup and clean-up.
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